Digital Eater
by Plasma Wisp
Summary: After burning down their school Ruki,Kouichi, and their friends:Kenny,Coyashi,Tai and Jyou get sent to the DWMA.Where Ruki finds out she is a Meister with Kouichi being her Weapon after a few weeks Ruki's past comes back to haunt her after Daemon appears looking for these things he calls subjects R1,M5,and C9. Vote on poll if you want me to continue this.
1. We burn down the school!

**DDoJ:I don't own Digimon or Soul Eater.I only own the plot and the OCs.**

 **Ruki and Kouichi:She also doesn't own Harry Potter in 99 seconds,she just changed Harry's name to the Japanese version.**

 **Coyashi:On with the story!**

 **Tai:Shut up,fatass!**

 **Jyou:You are not the author only she can decide when the story starts,dumbass!**

"Seriously,Kenny?"

"DUDE,THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"Does this mean we don't have to go to school anymore?"

"Ruki and Kouichi,where the hell did you two get those fireworks from?"

"Wow,Kenny.I never thought you'd be the one to do that and somehow rope Kou and Ki into this..." The students of Shibuya Elementary were all lined up outside the school grounds,which were now brimming with ashes and the remains of grader Kenny Wilson was responsible for the school fire,everyone was either concerned that their classmate was a possible pyromaniac or completely stoked for the possibility of not having school for a long graders Ruki Shigami and Kouichi Kimura were responsible for the fireworks,to everyone this was normal for those two,but it left everyone wondering where they got the fireworks from. Jyou Nasaki,a friend and classmate of the three mentioned kids was confused "Kenny,Ruki,Kouichi," he started "how the hell did you completely burn the school down?And were did you two get the fireworks from and sneak them into school without anybody noticing?" Before they could speak,another friend and classmate,Taichi Kishin, cut in with"The real question is—WHY the hell did you completely burn down the school? We're gonna be completely behind all the other fourth and third graders in the world and it'll keep us from college which will make it harder for us to find jobs and—" "Dude," Ruki interrupted "we were already never learned anything in that school." She pointed out "But seriously,man,Tai's got a good did you burn it?" Kouichi asked "Mmmpth mmmnnth mmnnnph mphhnmm mnph phmmn nmmm!" replied Kenny rather joyfully, muffled by his massive, orange others stared at him couldn't even process the horror of what Kenny had just replied,nightmares were bound to ensue after hearing his reasoning."GAAAAIIIIIIISSSS!" A high pitched voice screeched. "Oh god," muttered three kids realized their friend-that-nobody-likes was waddling towards them."It's Coyashi." Out of breath,Erikku Coyashi finally reached the four."Kenneh..." he breathed in his strange,voice with the New Jersey accent "YOU ASSHOLE!" He yelled lunging at the parka wearing boy and grabbed his started shaking the boy back and forth violently,he screamed "AY!WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!I HAD A BOX OF RICE CAKES IN MAH DESK!" "Shut up, can get more at your house or something." Ruki said shaking Kenny he looked at Ruki and yelled "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!I was GOING to EAT THOSE!" Rolling her eyes Ruki pulled out Sgt. Frog Manga and began to read.

"Seriously, though, Coyashi. Because you lost that precious box of Rice Cakes, your mom will buy you even more. 'Sides, don't you realize? We might not have to go to school anymore! And please stop doing that to Kenny. You're gonna give him Shaken Baby Syndrome or something…" Kouichi interjected."Wait say that again." Coyashi demanded "I said your mom will buy yo-" Kouichi started until Coyashi cut him off."I meant the one about skewl." He said "Oh.I said we don't have school anymore because Kenny burned it down,and because Ruki and I set fireworks off in the sixth grade hallway and got Hiroki Fujja arrested...again." Kouichi who heard this cheered while Butters yelled "School's out forever!" "No school!" Everyone cheered...until the principal said "You still have to go to school,M'kay. You are going to schools that are actually willing to take you children,M'kay?" Everyone could hear people saying "Aww,man!","Awww,nuts.", "Why us?","Damn,Conformist." and "Killjoy." They kids paled knowing they might get separated or worse, _actually learn_ something and _do_ homework."We're screwed." Ruki said causing everyone who heard to nod in agreement.

At home...

"Oh shit,shit,shit." Coyashi said as he was in the fetal position "This is might be separated because our one wish has come true." Jyou muttered while Tai went to help Ruki with the food while Kouichi was setting the table for all five of the kids shared/lived in a huge treehouse they mostly lived there and ate there seeing as they're the ones who built they got the materials is something only Ruki and Kouichi know that the others have to find out so no one knows how they got it,and since those two are good at stealing stuff everyone has theories on how they stole those happened to the nice,innocent,naive,cowardly,shy, boy that everyone knew?Ruki is what happened,she helped him get over some of his shyness,and fear so when Kouichi was scared he mostly relied on Ruki to help him and to comfort him."Yeah.I mean who do they think they are?There's no way hell that they'll separate us from each other if they do they've made a big mistake." Ruki yelled from the to them they were being watched by a man in black robes and a cartoonish skull mask. 'They must really hate being separated.' He thought,those five would make good additions to the Academy. "Hey Ruki,can you play a song for us?" Tai asked " have a few options to choose from." Ruki said "Which songs?" Jyou asked "Well I have Biggest Dreamer,Lugia's song,Oracion,The Hari Potter theme,and Hari Potter in 99 seconds." Ruki said "Do Hari Potter in 99 seconds." Coyashi said/demanded "Ok." Ruki said as she pulled out her violin and began to sing

 _"There was once was a boy named Hari,destined to be a star._

 _His parents were killed by Voldemort,who gave him a lightning scar..._

 _Yo,Hari,you're a wizard_

 _Hari goes to Hogwarts,he meets Ron and Hermione,McGonagall requires he play for Gryffindor._

 _Draco is a daddy's boy,Quirrell becomes unemployed,and the Sorcerer's Stone is destroyed by Dumbledore._

 _Ron breaks his wand,now Ginny's gone,and Hari is in mortal danger,Tom Riddle hides his snake inside his ginormous secret chamber._

 _Hari blows up Aunt Marge,dementors come and take charge,Lupin is a wolf,the rat's a man,and the prisoner is at use time travel so they can save the prisoner of Azkaban,who just so happens to be Hari's godfather.I don't really get it either..._

 _Hari gets put in the Triwizard Tournament with dragons and no! Edward Cullen gets slayed,he's back._

 _Hari,Hari,it's getting is back and now you're a revolutionary ,Dumbledore,why is he ignoring your constant attempts to contact him? He is forced to leave the school,Umbridge arrives,Draco's a tool,Kids break into the Ministry,Sirius Black is dead as can be!_

 _Oh!Split your soul,seven parts of a whole,they're Horcruxes,it's Dumbledore's end..._

 _There once was a boy named Hari who constantly conquered in one final duel between good and bad,he may take his final breath..."_

After that the kids finished their meal

and went to their respective rooms to God help whatever school they go to because it will become like Shibuya Elementary,chaotic,hectic,hellish, and those five there will be like surviving the Zombie Apocalypse or the Titanic.

 **Takato:*reads chapter*Holy Sock!This is like South Park but one of the boys is a girl who may or may not be a pro skater.**

 **Ruki:Ahhhh,Third grade such good memories.**

 **DDoJ:You practically lived in a Japanese South Park.I mean it has kids cussing,Kenny having a cycle of getting killed off and coming back to life,Nazi Zombies,Aliens,A talking piece of crap,a magic doll,digimon,the elves that steal your underwear,and kishin.**

 **Gatomon:I'm guessing that Tai is based off of Stan,Jyou is based off of Kyle,Your Kenny is based off of Kenny,and Coyashi is based off of Cartman.**

 **DDoJ:Yup.**

 **BlackGatmon:*reading story notes*She ain't kidding.**

 **DDoJ:I thought I had those locked drawer?**

 **Takato:I picked the lock.**

 **DDoJ:You suck.**


	2. How the hell can a banana fly!

"Why do we have to leave this early?!".Several people in the airport froze looking at the four boys and the girl who said that."This is have to wake up at six in the freaking morning just to get on a thirteen hour flight to America,we're kids we need our sleep." Ruki said groggily,rubbing her eyes that had shadows underneath five of them went to sleep at five in the morning so only having one hour of sleep can make normally nice people like Ruki and Kouichi act like Coyashi while Coyashi gets some and traveling with them was Ruki's black fox 'Noir Vixi' and her magic doll/friend Hikari Shō to Ruki two of her friends/family gave her Hikari when they were younger before they their orphanage caught on fire and they all got separated."Come on...let's just...find the...goddamned plane...so we can... get some...fucking...sleep." Tai said as he kept falling asleep "According...to...the...tickets...we should be...at platform...nine..." Thud! Everyone turned around to see Kenny and Jyou passed out on the ground "Oh,sweet Jolly-fucking-Ranchers,Jyou fainted and I think Kenny died." Kouichi said. Unbeknownst to them some people were getting it on video and the people in their new school we're watching,shocked that five kids know how to cuss."I just realized my life sucks." Tai said while everyone looked at her "I mean my mom died,and the rest of Ruki's family died." "You know it would have worked for the rest of us." Ruki said "Ruki,not all of us can be like you and love the fact that our parents are dead!" Tai yelled as they walked onto their platform and saw the plane "...It's a banana." Coyashi stated in a monotone voice as everyone looked at a giant banana."How the hell can it fly?I mean it defies the laws of aerodynamics or something like that." Ruki said looking confusedly at the banana/plane.'How the hell can that fly?' "Alright,children get on the plane." The lady said as they all got on the plane "They said this plane was nice.I call bullshit." Kenny said as he wasn't wearing his plane was small and filled with papers,pizza boxes,and three homeless men."Hey it's that homeless guy who bought us those tickets." Tai said pointing at a man in ratty clothes,with brown hair covered in dirt,and drinking a bottle of beer."Well screw you guys I'm going . Homeless Guy wake us up when we get to Death City, the way they keep the liquor and cigarettes in the room on the left side of the bathroom." Ruki said,well the last part was whispered.

5 hours later...

"Hahahahahahahahaha!Fuck, I want pancakes." Coyashi said as he was laughing at homeless guy #3 who was trying to eat the TV Ruki threw a potato at him and said "Go back to sleep,fat boy."

3 hours later...

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" The kids screamed as the banana went into a nose dive "Guys before we go I have some things to you were always like my older brother,Jyou even though you were overprotective I appreciate what you do for me,Kenny you are a pervert,and Kouichi I had a small crush on you." Ruki confessed "Coyashi even though you were a bastard we think of you as our funny older brother." Tai said "Kouichi you're like my little brother." Jyou said "Ruki even though you prank us a lot,I'm proud to call you mah sistah." Coyashi admitted "Ruki,I had a small crush on you." Kouichi said as all of the kids held on to each other."Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" They screamed as the banana started spinning and everyone got thrown around the banana and landed in different places.

2 hours later...

"Are we there yet?" Ruki and Kouichi asked "No." Tai said "How about now?" "No." "How about now?" "No." " Are we there now?" "No." "Now?" "Goddamn it!We're not there yet!" "Can we have candy?Can we have candy?Can we have candy?" "NO!" "You suck."

3 hours later...

"Land sweet land!" Kouichi yelled while Ruki went to the nearest trash can and started puking "Never again." She groaned as Tai and Jyou stumbled around trying to stand up and Kenny was laying on the ground seeing that the whole world was spinning."(The whole world is spinning.)" Kenny said with swirls where his blue eyes should have been while Coyashi was knocked out after hitting his head five times on one of the seats and getting thrown into the wall six times."Who's carrying,Coyashi?" Jyou asked but nobody wanted to carry him so Ruki dumped a cup of water on him and kicked him "Wake up,Marimo!Ruki wa Kikku!Level one!" Ruki said as she kicked him again this time it was weak but since Ruki mostly fights with her legs she ended up sending him into a watched in shock as the nine year old sent the fat ten year old flying into a tree and came out unscathed " still didn't wake up after the 'Ruki Kick' level one." Jyou said "Yeah I'd be surprised if he didn't wake up on level five." Tai said while all of the boys/victims except for Coyashi all shuddered at the memory of the 'Ruki Kick' level five."(Hey guys shouldn't we have someone from the school pick us up?I mean we just got here and none of us speak English,except for Ruki,and I don't think anyone would take a nine year old girl offense.)" Kenny pointed out "None taken."Ruki replied as she grabbed her luggage and pet carrier "Hey, you get my labtop I have a new video to put up on the school's YouTube channel." Ruki asked/whispered to her smiled and showed gave Ruki her labtop and watched as Ruki wrote that they were here in Death City."Kari,do you think you can get the videos?" Hikari sent an invisible wave of warmth around the city as she felt the emotions of her master and friends and how much they cared for each then Hikari couldn't hold it anymore and sent the wave all the way to Shibuya.

_With the people of Death City_

Everyone froze where they were as they felt a wave a warmth come from the airport but almost everyone noticed it was coming from six sources and one had some hints of students of the DWMA started bouncing in their seats seeing as they might kill a witch and become Death Scythes.

 **A/N-DDoJ:*LMAO*Those fucking idiots!**

_On YouTube_

YouTube people looked at a video were all of the kids (Ruki,Kouichi,Tai,Jyou,Coyashi,their friend Butters,and the new kid Daniel AKA Douchebag) were wearing costumes and holding stuff for weapons in a destroyed hallway looking at a labtop "I have this Taco Bell green sauce which will give me a whole army." The boy on the camera said " on you Clyde,Taco Bell doesn't have a green sauce." The fat boy said "Actually it does." Ruki said "Da fuck?" The fat boy said "Yeah they've had it for two years now and they just started putting it in packets." A red haired boy said "How the hell did I miss this?" fat boy asked "Ha." Clyde said "Clyde,fatass is isn't green sauce,why do you think that shit is glowing,Marimo?" Ruki pointed out "It's glowing because of the three different types of habanero peppers." Clyde said smartly "Crap,he got me there." Ruki said,then the scene changed as the kids were walking across the street with parka boy leading them then he got ran over "Oh my god!They killed Kenny!" Kouichi exclaimed "You bastards!" Ruki yelled "He didn't go to church today!He had some sins that he didn't confess!" Jyou exclaimed Tai said "And he didn't take communion!" "He's doomed." Ruki said,now it showed the kids trying to get a bird off of Jyou's head while Ruki was scolding them if they did something that could hurt or frighten the bird,suddenly the bird opened it's mouth and shot a stream of fire "HOW IS IT BREATHING FIRE?!" Ruki exclaimed as a giant bird came and abducted the bird,the scene changed again where the kids were in a really cool looking treehouse armed with sticks,smoke bombs,slingshots,and wooden swords and standing in front of them was an army of homeless guys "You had to give them a ,Tai what the heck were you thinking?!" Ruki yelled at her friend with indigo hair as she shot a tobasco sauce bomb/bullet at the nearest homeless guy "You can only trust hobos and people who don't say change over and over again!" Kouichi yelled as he knocked six homeless out of the window."You mean like that homeless guy you bribed to get us tickets to the you-know-what when we were eight and nine?" Jyou asked as he and Tai bashed six guys on the head with sticks and Coyashi threw stones."Jdeduck wisjfu wejfjd fbfjdidiekejshfgs!" Some homeless guy yelled at Ruki who looked scared and screamed "PEDOPHILE!" and shot a huge tobasco sauce bomb at his face while her brothers beat the crap out of him for scaring their sister. And the scene changed again to where Ruki,Coyashi,Daniel and Butters were in their costumes in a destroyed kitchen "They took princess Kenny..." Coyashi said coughing up ketchup he put in his mouth "They're probably gonna rape her."*cough*"Whatever you do...didn't let them rape princess Kenny!" Coyashi said as he 'fainted'."Okay,now it's personal." Ruki growled as she grabbed her trusty stick and ran out of the room while Daniel/Douchebag had a 'WTF?' face.

 **DDoJ:And done!**

 **Ruki:How the hell can a banana fly?!**

 **Takato: I think it has something to do with it being like a boomerang.**


	3. Meet the transfers (DWMA students Pov)

**DDoJ:Sorry if this chapter lacks some humor or has some was a shooting across the street from my house and they nearly killed my uncle/neighbor.**

 **Gatomon:Seeing as DDoJ was literally across the street from it she has been traumatized and now has mental scars.**

 **BlackGatomon:Makes me wonder if the Midland police are taking their jobs seriously. I mean who lets a bunch of teenagers buy a gun and nearly kill someone in front of their children.**

 **Ruki:Yeah and it was at soon as we told HBH he started to freak out.**

 **Hologram HBH: I was just worried!**

 **Tai:Can we go on with the story I think Kenny's going to have a seizure.**

 **Jyou:Yeah even fatass isn't his usual racist self.**

 **DDoJ:Here's the chapter.**

"Guys, I'm not obsessed,dammit!" Ruki exclaimed glaring at her friends "It's not my fault everything in the world isn't symmetrical." Ruki said "Sorta like you with those four gray horizontal stripes on the right side of head?" Jyou asked "...You're right.I'm just a bunch of asymmetrical garbage!I don't deserve to live another day,just put me on the curb on garbage day." Ruki said sulking in the corner."Hopefully we don't meet someone else who's obsessed with symmetry." Kouichi muttered.

 **_Weapons** **and** **Meisters Pov_**

Death the Kid was on his way with Maka and their partners to pick up the five transfer he hated the number five it was so asymmetrical. "It's not my fault everything in the world isn't symmetrical." A young girl that caught his attention "Sorta like those four gray horizontal stripes on the right side of your head?" A redhead asked "...You're right.I'm just a bunch of asymmetrical garbage!I don't deserve to live another day,just put me on the curb on garbage day." The young girl said sulking in the corner. "Hopefully we don't meet someone else who's obsessed with symmetry." The little black haired boy said. "Seriously before we even leave the treehouse she always makes sure her room is symmetrical." The fatboy sighed. "Yeah,if something becomes asymmetrical she literally finds the person who did it and makes them fix it,while giving them a lecture on how important symmetry is and how everyone needs it." The indigo colored boy pointed out. He heard the boy in the parka say something but he couldn't understand it seeing as the boy's voice was muffled,soon it was followed by "Eww!","Gross!","Kenny you are freaking gross!", and "What the heck is going on in that messed up brain of yours?".Ok so those kids understood him and they know what he says and he is not right in the head."Symmetry is key,everything must be perfectly pleasing." The young girl said while everyone from the DWMA were thinking 'This girl could be Kid's little sister.' or 'Holy Shit.A female Kid!'.Suddenly a huge chunk of building fell and crushed the parka kid "Oh my god! They Killed Kenny!" The black haired boy exclaimed while the young girl yelled "You bastards!" The way they said those words it sounded like this happens a lot or most of the time."I feel like I'm back at home." The indigo haired boy said "I mean,just look at it this 's karma gets to him,Ruki kicks one of us into a tree,and something weird all we need is a talking piece of crap,a zombie,and retarded adults,and this will be exactly like home." "I just hope it's not Nazi don't need another 'Shinjitsu no sutikku' incident,especially since the government somehow got involved and took the stick." The young girl said shuddering as she remembered the government guy who only wore underwear."If I remember correctly you wouldn't come out of that corner for three hours." Fat boy said as the young girl did a roundhouse kick "Ruki wa Kikku!" She exclaimed as he got sent all the way to the other side of the airport."Baka." The now named Ruki muttered before she pulled out her Sgt. Frog manga and began to read.'Oh my god a chibi Maka.' The DWMA students thought simultaneously,while the boys sweat dropped at their friends antics. "Kukuku!That Marimo deserved it!~" Ruki said in a sing song voice."Can we keep her?" Patty whispered as the young girl hit the fat boy on the head with her book. "Ow!Dammit woman!Uncle!Ouch!" He cried as she walked him repeatedly on the head."Go easy on him,Shigami." The redhead called to her.'Shigami that sounds familiar...could she be?...No aunt Shinigami's kid died seven years ago.' Kid was shaken out of his thoughts when they got to the kids."So basically you lived on the streets and stole from sixth graders?Are you insane?!" The redhead exclaimed "Ruki,sixth graders are the most dangerous and ruthless kids in all of Shibuya!How did you steal their wallets and get away with it?" The indigo haired boy asked fearfully "It's pretty easy,just put sleeping powder in their drinks and when they fall asleep steal their wallets,Digimon cards,and lack intelligence." Ruki replied "Jyou,Ruki has a point." Fat boy said "Remember they tried to eat a stick and make a fire with carrots." He said "It still amazes me that they can read." Ruki stated not looking up from her manga."By the way the people picking us up are nine feet away." She added while everyone looked confused "How can you tell when someone is coming?!" Jyou asked "Himitsu." She replied giggling "Ok,but who's carrying the fat boy?" Jyou asked "Not it!" They all yelled but the redhead said it last "Ok,Tai thank you for volunteering." Ruki said to the redhead "No way why don't you make Kenny do it?" He asked pointing to the parka boy.'Wait,didn't he die?' Kid,Maka,Tsubaki,and Patty thought "No his curse remember?" Ruki asked "Mmmph thmmph cummph." "Thanks a lot Kenny now I'm going to have more nightmares." Ruki said sounding scared. "Tai I thought I told you to get Coyashi!" She yelled."He fell asleep!" Tai yelled back as he and Jyou dragged an unconscious Coyashi on the floor."I'm surrounded by idiots."Ruki muttered as she and Kouichi went to help the sweat dropped as the kids dragged Coyashi all the way back to them as Ruki whacked him on the head "I'm surprised he has some brain cells left." Tai commented while Jyou said "Actually I'm surprised that he _has_ a brain." "Touchè." Ruki said as she hit him on the head for the twentieth time."Uuugghh!I'm up woman." Coyashi groaned "I think you killed a few brain cells,but seeing as I'm still alive it doesn't matter." "Thanks a lot, made me think of my dead mom." Tai said sadly "Well I think it would have worked out for us." Ruki said quickly "Ruki,not all of us can be like you and love the fact that our parents are dead!" Tai yelled while Kouichi said "Would you two morons shut up and get your butts over here!" Everyone who knew Kouichi had giant eyes and were gaping "Our little boy is growing up." Tai whispered "He's finally learned how to yell." Jyou said shocked. "I think Ms. Kimura was right when she said we we're corrupting him." Ruki said flabbergasted staring at her friend _.'This is the weirdest day of my life.'_ Hikari said to the kids _'Agreed.'_ Ruki real life all of the kids spaced out and stared at the little keronian doll,a navy blue tadpole with a silver white hat and the zero unit mark on its stomach and hat. _'Yah know we wouldn't be in this mess if Kenneh didn't burn down the school!'_ Coyashi mentally yelled while glaring at Kenny _'Shut up fat boy!'_ Tai mentally exclaimed. Unbeknowst to them Crona was listening to the whole conversation and it was pretty amusing _.'DAMMIT!THAT PINK HAIRED GIRL IS EAVESDROPPING ON US!DAMMIT!'_ Hikari yelled _'AH!DAMMIT KARI!YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE,DAMMIT!GREAT NOW YOU GOT ME DOING IT!'_ Kouichi mentally exclaimed while holding his head. _'Itaidesu!My head!'_ Ruki mentally yelled as she hit Kouichi with a book the reading teacher told them to read,but it was cut in half by the scythe blade coming out of his wrist,which he was using to shield his head. _'Thank you Kouichi,I was afraid I had to read that gay vampire do they want us to read this crap?!'_ Ruki asked while Jyou said one thing that everyone was thinking _'We should burn them all!'_ "Yeah!" The others agreed while their escorts were they have a silent conversation and we did not notice?

 **A/N-DDoJ:They seriously didn't notice them all looking at each other,the doll, and holding their heads like they had a headache from a mental conversation/argument?**

'What the hell happened?Are they even human?' Went through the mind of the Weapons and Meisters as Ruki kicked Coyashi into a tree and he came out unscathed and Kenny died again. _'Dammit, Kenny!That's the third time this month!'_ Rukimentally exclaimed as Kenny came back to life after ten minutes."(It's not my fault!)" he yelled for the children of Shibuya it was easy to understand,but for the students they can only make out a few words."Yeah,sort of like how Chabo's part wolf?" Tai asked while Ruki said "Don't ask me how **that** happenedall I know is that Chabo's mom fell in love with a wolf,Chabo was born,and we ended up with a new roommate." "(Screw you!)" Kenny yelled as Ruki hit him with her Sgt. Frog manga."(Thanks for bringing me back so was being a prick.)" Kenny whispered "No 's kinda hard when your conscious is in hell and your soul is kind of hard to put back in you when the others are around." Ruki whisper replied.

 **DDoJ:Ok,I'm done.**

 **Takato:We need to calm down and though I'm an assassin even I know not to harm the innocent and I think our past selves have been traumatized and have mental scars.**

 **Ruki:Makes me wonder if Midland is safe for children.**

 **Kenny:(Yeah.I hope those bastards end up in jail for nearly killing an adult and children.)**


	4. Kim Kardashian is a Hobbit

_Italics-Japanese_

 _'Italics'-Mental conversations/arguments_

 _"Hey guys,did you notice that the boy with stripes looks like he could be Ki-chan's older brother?"_ Tai asked _"Yeah, I mean they both have gold ringed eyes,horizontal stripes in their hair,and both love symmetry."_ Jyou said _"(The only difference is that Ruki is a girl,she has four stripes that are gray,and she has a very weird personality.)"_ Kenny pointed out _"Shut your fucking face,Cartman!_ " Ruki yelled at Coyashi who called her 'a midget Momoka with OCD and is crazy' and Coyashi who was confused because he doesn't know who 'Cartman' is.

 **A/N-DDoJ:Note to self make as much South Park references in this story as possible.**

"What are they saying?" Soul asked seeing as none of them spoke Japanese and since Tsubaki wasn't with them right now they could really use a of all times didn't they come with them? The kids spoke English at the airport then switched to Japanese to have an argument/conversation with each other. "I don't know,but it looks like the fat one is criticizing them." "Shut up,Coyashi!Quit making fun of Kenny for being poor,being racist to Jewish people like Jyou,and quit being mean to redheads it's not their fault that they were born with red hair!" Ruki yelled at Coyashi who was getting hit with Ruki's Keroro Gunso manga."Sometimes I wonder if Coyashi would finally get a conscience and be nice." Kouichi pondered out stopped walking and looked at Kouichi "He has a point,Coyashi is the worst kid in the history of Shibuya Elementary School and in all of or later he will become guilty about all of the things that he did to us and other people." Tai explained to the DWMA students who didn't know all of the things Coyashi to them and other students in Shibuya and the other victims of Coyashi's plans shuddered "Yeah I kept a list for a year and by Halloween there were already seventy things,and we made the list in September!" Jyou said "By the time it was September again we had 3.5 thousand plans and schemes." Ruki said _"Screw Death City...I'm going home!"_ Coyashi said as he walked back to the airport "He'll be back,he does this a lot back usually appears when you least expect it or the last place you'd think he'd appear." Ruki explained to the DWMA students who were wondering if he was literally going home."It's a good thing we're immune to the stuff he uses in his plans otherwise we would've been dead three years ago." Tai commented shuddering as Ruki and Kenny held each other in fear seeing as they were always the victims of his schemes."(So many nightmares...)" Kenny whispered as Ruki held on to him as she could be heard muttering "So many plans..." and shaking uncontrollably as if she were traumatized from all of them (which she was).So throughout the whole trip to the school Ruki was holding onto Kenny muttering things about Nazi zombies and Kim Kardashian being a the Kid looked at Kouichi questioningly "It started when Ruki scolded our friend Jello for calling a girl who liked him too fat for him and saying that he likes women who take care of themselves like Kim Kardashian,which caused Ruki to tell him Kim Kardashian has the body of a Hobbit and that she used photoshop to make herself look beautiful and it became a rumor and Kanye West came and tried to explain to is that Kim Kardashian isn't a Hobbit even though he said things that Hobbits do/have and since I'm too lazy to explain,just watch the video." Kouichi said handing him Ruki's who didn't know about the incident watched as it showed the teacher say "Okay kids, there have been some hurtful and hateful things being said around this school, and so we are gonna hear from a guest speaker. Here to explain why Kim Kardashian is not a hobbit, please welcome, Aquaman." All of the kids start clapping as Kanye West comes in the room "Oh god not this guy again." Coyashi whispered as Kanye West said this:

 **Okay, first of all, I am NOT Aquaman, I am a recovering... gay fish. Yes, I have met Aquaman. I have hung out with Aquaman. But the only thing I have in common with Aquaman anymore is my love for the sea. Now!There have been malicious rumors, started at this elementary school, that my beautiful fiancée is a hobbit. That is not funny, and it is not true. Alright?! Yes, Kim is heavier than most of her pictures show her to be. Yes, she gets her hair lasered off her body. Yes, she has a friend named Gandalf who happens to be a wizard.I'm sorry, excuse me a minute. _[calls Kim up and turns his back on the class..]_ Bitch, how are you not a hobbit again? Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah right. Rightrightrightrightright, yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. Let me get- okay. Yep, I got it. Okay, love you too. _[blows two quick kisses at the phone, hangs up, and turns to the class.]_ Okay, if my fiancée Kim… is… a hobbit, then how come… it uh how c- then, okay, if she's a hobbit, then how come she don't live in a hole in the ground? BOOOOOOM! All y'all just got lit up, cuz! She don't live in no hole in the ground, she lives in a big-ass mansion, with me, in her room, that is slightly below ground! So, you can… She, she is sexy, and womanly, and she smokes a pipe. She can blow them rings that go up over her head, and… Hold up. _[calls Kim up again and turns his back on the class...]_ Bitch, you not a hobbit, right? ... No, I know, you just, you smoke that long pipe sometimes when you sit by the fire... Oh it's a- Oh, okay. Got it, got it- What do you call it? Yep. Yep, got it. Okay. Yep, love you too. _[blows two quick kisses at the phone, hangs up, and turns to the class.]_ That is not a hobbit pipe, for your information! It is a personal oral humidifier to keep all the wrinkles around her mouth from showin'. So haha, all you haters, HA!**

"And that's where the rumor about Kim Kardashian being a Hobbit started." Tai drawled."And the Nazi Zombies started when they were making a giant Taco Bell and our friend Clyde stole some radioactive crap which he thought was Taco Bell green sauce and confused Coyashi because he didn't know that Taco Bell has a green sauce which lead to us finding out Clyde took the stick,then framed the Drow Elves and almost started the apocalypse because the stick's power corrupted him and as the legend goes 'For whoever controls the Stick… controls the universe.' so most of our allies betrayed us because Clyde has the he brought back Chef who became a Nazi Zombie then defeated him and the government came and tried to kidnap our friend _King Douchebag_ because of his ability to make friends on any social network because before he was five he had 1.5 million friends on the government guy took the stick and _Princess Kenny_ betrayed us,drank that chemical,became a Nazi Zombie and nearly killed us. Then _King Douchebag_ had to break the guys oath to never fart on a guys balls,then we had to give the stick to Ruki,seeing as she is the only one who can handle its power,and then we had to destroy that radioactive crap before another Nazi Zombies incident." Jyou added confusing the DWMA students because they didn't know about the Shinjitsu no sutikku/Stick of Truth incident so Ruki showed them that video and the parts that they liked were some of the fights and arguments or Ruki punching a government guy."Why are you all wearing costumes?" Maka asked as Ruki was wearing a long sleeved emerald green knee-length dress with a black cloak,Kouichi wore black robes and had a staff in his hand,Coyashi wore a wizard costume,Tai wore a crown of twigs over his lime green tea ushanka and a gray towel for a cape,Jyou had a red feather where the red puff ball on his blue hat and wore knight armor,a wooden sword,and a red towel for a cape,Kenny wore a white dress with gold trimming on the hem and sleeves and a golden ribbon around his waist,sitting on his head was a wig of golden hair in two braids."We were playing a Hobbit & Dungeons and Dragons hybrid."Kouichi informed them remembering all of the events that started the 'Stick of Truth' incident and Ruki's fear of Nazi Zombies."It took us five whole days to repair the castle and _Kupa Keep_ and to get rid of the radioactive Taco Bell green sauce." Ruki said "But I kept some to run tests on and do experiments." "...Keep your experiments away from my room!" Was everyone who knew about it started to hum the Sgt. Frog Theme while reading the manga."Gero!Gero!Gero!" Ruki laughed like a certain green invader "First Kururu now Keroro next thing you know she'll end her sentences with 'de gozaru' or 'desu'." Tai said as he hummed the theme with Ruki,Jyou,and Kouichi."(This is going to be a long walk.)" Kenny groaned.

 **Ruki:Keroro Gunso Forever!**

 **DDoJ:Sgt. Frog Forever!**

 **Takato:What's Sgt. Frog and Keroro Gunso?**

 **DDoJ and Ruki:*gasp*They are the same show about alien invaders who try to take over earth but end up doing stupid stuff and making friends with their humans and doing stupid stuff.**

 **Gatomon:The platoon consists of an idiot leader named Keroro who is obsessed with Gundam,a questionably gay tadpole named Tamama who's obsessed with sweets and has a split personality,a frog named Giroro who lives in a tent in the yard and is obsessed with weapons and Natsumi,a yellow frog named Kururu/Kululu who's obsessed with curry and has a questionable sanity,and a ninja named Dororo who was traumatized by Keroro and everyone literally forgets that he is in the room.**

 **BlackGatomon:Then there is the ghost girl who everyone forgets is in the room and was imprisoned for helping a Keronian similar to Keroro who everyone thought was a kappa,and Angol Mois a girl who was supposed to destroy the earth and now lives with the platoon and Kururu/Kululu is afraid of her.**


End file.
